• Isa

Matt Hancock: Hands, Face, Arse (And the return of Sajid Javid)

Updated: Jun 30, 2021

As you all know, the rise and fall of the Health Secretary has occurred. Matt Hancock has been busted; but this is more than just a Westminster affair at play, what this demonstrates is the hypocrisy of the people making the rules that have kept us in doors for so long.



I was mentally scarred at seeing that video, the egg-looking man getting with Gina Colangelo, a senior aide to the former Health Secretary. I'm sure many of you were too, then we got over the body-consuming cringe phase and started taking the piss mercilessly, which I have also enjoyed doing.


However, there are bigger questions to be raised here. Why does there seem to be one set of rules for those in power and a different set for the 'civies'? (as people in government call us normal citizens).


Upon the leak of the affair, Johnson assumed it as a closed case after Hancock apologised for breaking the social distancing guidelines, saying that Hancock's extramarital proceedings were a part of his private life and therefore didn't infringe upon ministerial business. However dozens of Senior Tory MPs and Senior Labour MPs made it very clear to the Prime Minister immediately that they weren't in anger over the affair, who were they to judge? The British public can be forgiving of private wrongdoing but not of astronomical hypocrisy.


What this is about is the violation of the rules Hancock created himself. It's reported that he went to see Johnson at Chequers, the PM's country home, to inform Bo Jo of his resignation on Saturday early morning, and on Saturday evening it was made official on Hancock's social media, in which he said (in a video with shit audio), "I've been to see the Prime Minister to resign as Secretary of State for Health and Social Care. I understand the enormous sacrifices that everybody in this country has made, that you have made, and those of us who make these rules have got to stick by them."


Yes. Yes you do. But what makes me laugh is that this wasn't Johnson's decision for Hancock to go; it was the pressure from front and back benchers forcing the PM todo the right thing. If that doesn't say something about Johnson and his techniques of navigating COVID when regarding the people, then I don't know what does. Hancock's name was on the laws dictating our own private behaviour, forcing us to not be able to see relatives and friends, keeping two metres apart, whilst he was grabbing a woman's arse and sticking his tongue down her throat in a ministerial office. I mean, what does it take to get sacked from this government?


It's no secret that Johnson hates sacking people, he usually has his Malcolm Tucker-esc communications directors pushing ministers to resign, (i.e. the notorious Dominic Cummings (also, am I the only one who think that Hancock and Cummings are fantastic names when it comes to ridiculing a political party?)). Johnson wants to ignore the noise and crack on with whatever he has todo, and there is a bipartisan view within Westminster (my source is the goddess almighty Laura Kuenssberg) that the Tory government's attitude is unethical; I personally would go so far as to say blatantly corrupt, but Laura didn't use those words herself.


It's not hard to see; I have no doubt that it was Cummings himself who orchestrated the leaking of that footage. The man is a political pitbull dressed up in a backpack, beanie hat, and riding a Brompton bike. But isn't it sad, sad that this is what our government has come too? Malicious leaks ruining families and damaging reputations; I don't disagree that Hancock was "Totally fucking hopeless" but would Gove have been any better? The man who's daughter was called 'BandoBaby420' on TikTok, smoking, whilst his party were nicking people for possession of weed?


Leaked messages by Cummings with the PM

HOWEVER! I think we have some sort of light now in our new Health Secretary, Sajid Javid. The former Chancellor of the Exchequer who clashed heavily with the man who had his hand up Boris Johnson's backside, Dominic Cummings, controlling him like a puppet.


Javid, who has now managed six government departments, was the son of a bus driver, worked in banking, is much more straight forward than Hancock and what you see with him is what you get. No waffle, no bullshit, just the truth, or as true as you can get for a Tory Cabinet Minister. However, after resigning over his clashes with Cummings, he holds an air of integrity and morality about himself in my eyes.



Sajid Javid, Tory Health Secretary

So how will he be different? Less interventionist is the way to put it, being a former banker he understands the need to get the economy back on its feet as soon as possible, and even better for us who are sick and tired of feeling nervous when we're out and about, in his address to Parliament on Monday, June 28th, he said that there will be no delay to July the 19th as his belief is that "In truth, no date we choose comes with zero risk for COVID. We know we cannot simply eliminate it. We have to learn to live with it."


So, here's to hoping. 'The Hancock Saga' has been entertaining, but government must proceed and Javid himself said that "People and businesses need certainty, so we want every step to be irreversible. And make no mistake Mr Deputy Speaker, the restrictions on our freedoms, they must come to an end. We owe it to the British people, who have sacrificed so much, to restore their freedoms as quickly as we possibly can, and not to wait a moment longer than we need to."


So, remember, 'Hands. Face. Space.' but also have a little faith in Javid; he's not as useless as Matt Hancock who is probably literally running away from his problems as you read this as we've seen in recent times.


All the best,

Positively Unhelpful





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