Virtual-Social Distancing: Deleting Negativity
I can hereby announce that as of two days ago I dashed the majority of my social life. It was entirely spontaneous, somewhat surprising to my 'friends', but felt like the best thing in the world to me.
During these times we're being told to get creative at home, read a book, listen to a podcast, clean out that old cupboard that no one ever opens but is designated to hold the useless shit within the household, but what about our attendance to ourselves? I think it is fair to say that we have a good amount of time on our hands, doubt you've got loads of other things to be doing, and you may just think "I'm going to be playing PS4 today and that's a wrap," or something along those lines, but have you ever thought about improving your social lives, altering the relationships you have with people who you feel put you down, but from home.
It's almost Marie Kondo-esc. You take a look at the person, if they bring you joy, and genuine joy, then you know that you must keep them close and prioritise them during this quarantine period in order to have a thriving relationship at the end of this all. However, if you come across a person and the first memory you have of them either makes you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable or awkward, or portrays that person to be irritating or nasty, then dash them. Dash. Them.
"How do I just dash them?" What a question.
I started off on one social media, went through everyone, and was going to remove people, until I just realised that I genuinely do not like a large majority of the people on there and for that reason just decided to deactivate my account and make a new one. If you do not want to make an entirely new account then just: A) distance yourself and gradually stop talking to the said person, or B) remove them completely, and don't be afraid to remove them. They do not have the right to be angry at you because if they are a good friend, your initial memories of them should not be where they ridicule you and cause you to feel ashamed. 'Good' friends do not do that, in fact friends (whether close or not) do not do that at all.
Anyone can do this, but it. can also happen to anyone. The nicest and most devoted person to someone else could be who you feel you need to distance yourself from, remember that. Do not confuse not being close with someone with them not putting in effort.
If the person you feel you need to remove is a 'good' friend and believes that they are doing you no harm, then in my opinion they deserve an explanation so that they aren't left out in the cold. It's highly likely that they'll be confused and probably attempt to do one of two things: A) change themselves and stay in contact with you, being nicer than ever and putting in maximum effort (which by all means is not a bad thing but remind yourself to stay guarded) or B) cuss you out, tell you to suck your mum, and block you before you even had the chance to remove them. Remember you were the bigger person by being honest and whole-hearted. Hoes are just mad.
Upon first doing it I guess one can feel significantly empty, you had everything and a visible support system and now you have eradicated that. You might have a major 'Oh Shit' moment and say to yourself "What have I done". I get it, same. But think about it, are they really your friend if you felt ashamed of yourself whenever you thought about them? I mean, come on. No, they were not your friend, they were egotistical companions who couldn't notice the fact that their words and actions significantly impacted you and bartered you down.
And, to the friends that did bring you joy, practice the opposite of Social Virtual Distancing (I should copyright that). Appreciate them. Just send them a message letting them know that you're thankful for their friendship, even if you think it's a moist thing to do, but having let them know that you value them and their friendship I believe that it'll go a long way in establishing the already-valuable bond between the two of you. By removing the others who made you feel lesser than you are, you have subsequently made time for the others, so take that time and invest it in establishing those friendships but also towards yourself.
In no way am I saying that you're an angel and that everyone else is the problem, but it is highly likely that if you have even felt the need to do this then you are the friend that invests mountains but gets mounds back. It's exhausting, especially when you know that what you're doing isn't being appreciated yet you cannot help but do more. By removing people, cutting off contact, all of that, it doesn't make you a bad person at all; in fact it makes you an incredibly conscious and self-aware person all for the right reasons. You have taken the initiative to acknowledge that you are not being treated in the way that you ought to be considering how much you give, and you find this to be unfair and unchanging. There is nothing in that notion that people can criticise you for.
If someone wants to change then I would say let them, but remind yourself that this time you have the upper hand and you will not stand for their antics. Let them make the effort, let them chase you around for once, you deserve it.
I guess I'm writing this because this time really is testing a lot of friendships and relationships. We can't see each other so "Who is Willing to Stay in Contact?" is really the big question across all social media. This whole process of Virtual Distancing isn't to completely isolate yourself, it's so that you can come out on the other side of this happy and more relaxed, not having to think about making time to see people who don't appreciate you genuinely, only when you have some sort of use to them or never at all. I know that maybe I am coming across as preachy and some of you may be saying to yourselves "Can she shut up please," but this is something that everyone can do, and it is important that people save the relationships that they really feel are authentic, so why waste time focusing on a bunch of people who don't really care?
Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate it, have a beautiful Sunday and I hope you all managed to make something out of Lent. To those of you who don't celebrate Easter, enjoy the Snapchat filters, they came through this year.
Bestest wishes in the time of social, and now maybe for some, virtual distancing,
Positively Unhelpful